Less of Me - More of Him

I have a tendency to over-complicate things - to over analyze, the smallest, tiniest details. (My husband is screaming "Amen" somewhere, over that comment!). For the past few months I have struggled with my ministry, with my walk with God. Often times questioning the very voice of God - "I'm not worthy", "I don't have enough biblical knowledge", "Why me?"! I have spent more time in prayer and in God's word for the past 6 months, and somehow, still feel extremely disconnected from Him - from my life line.

It occurred to me today - or may I just actually slowed down enough to really LISTEN to what God was saying - either way, I am missing it. The big picture - I'm paying so much attention to the details, the minute background pieces, I am missing the big picture in its entirety. And I feel it, that faint, then stronger tug on my heart strings. That tugging that says, "Lay it down, be quite, sit still and listen."

I have spent time checking things off of my To-Do list - feeling that satisfaction that I did get everything done at the end of the day, but never really accomplishing much, at least not in the eternal sense. 

Prayer...check

Devotion time...check

Household duties...check

And the list goes.on.and.on.

But I don't feel full, yes, somewhat content that my list is done - but never really "FULL"...

I am missing Him.

I have spent so much time and energy trying to the best wife, mother, friend and ME that I can be - when all I really long for is the best I can be in Him. I pray the words - fast, I read the Word, turn the page, but it never takes root. It stays on the surface for a moment but never plants into my soul. I'm starving - I'm starving for Him. I have ritual - but no relationship.

So...in an effort to uncomplicate my life, to get my fill - I am sitting still. I am praying in the quiet times, listening with my heart. Waiting for His voice. Reading His words, drinking in His spirit, letting it resonate within me.

Yes - I need less of me, less of this STUFF and more of Him.

Stay Plugged In Mama...

It had been another one of those days…in fact – “those” days seemed to be the only kind of days I’ve had for a long time. My husband was working late – it was 8:00 in the evening and I was going on my 14^th hour of work (both inside and outside of the home). Because for us mamas, it seems like the work never ends. I had a rough day at work, a busting headache, I was on my 7,485^th basket of laundry and the kids were on my last nerve.

As I folded towels and looked at the clock – thankful at least that bedtime had come and the house would be two voices quieter, the first tear fell…followed by 200 hundred more. I felt defeated. I had been dealing with some health problems that kept me bedridden the weekend before – and I was behind in laundry, housecleaning, dishes, and Bible study…behind in life. I felt lonely, desperate and completely disconnected from God.

I stood there, weeping, blabbering up prayers faster than I could think, pleading for God’s help – pleading for God’s presence. As I prayed, thought, cried – I realized, I’m disconnected because I never plug in.

“But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness…” Matthew 6:33a

I have an iPhone (you other Apple snobs out there can attest to the fact that the battery life is HORRIBLE) and I have to charge it every.single.night – sometimes even during the day. Its charge dwindles fast – especially when I have several apps going at once, sucking the power life right out. Is that you mama? Are you on your last 10% with 10 more people lined up, sucking away your resources, your words of encouragement, your servitude, your joy? Are other people, things, a job sucking the power right out of your life?

When my phone dies – its done! I can plug it up and it isn’t instantly back at 100%. It takes time – in fact it takes time for it to even get charged enough to power back up. When we disconnect ourselves from God by not praying, not reading our Bibles, not going to church (guilty as charged on all 3 accounts) – our power will fade. And it takes time to build back up.

That’s why it is so important to stay connected to our Heavenly Father. He doesn’t want us doing this alone – we were NOT designed to live this life a part from Him. He has created us with a God shaped void – with in an inborn desire for Him.

I prayed and prayed and prayed that night – at the time I wasn’t sure my prayers got further than the ceiling. I know now that He heard me – He always hears us. He had been waiting on me to come to Him…

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.”   Isaiah 30:18a

It is my desire for you to know that you are not alone. All of us mamas have walked this path – or will. We are here to encourage one another, learn from one another and support one another. But you – YOU – have to prioritize your life – and make sure God is at the top.

This doesn’t mean that you must spend hours in prayer and Bible study each day. But it does mean the effort must be made. Take time to plug in so you don’t power off!

How do you stay connected? Do you have set times for prayer and Bible study?

  

When You Lose Focus...

This motherhood gig is tough stuff. I’ve been reading Christian blogs on parenting and marriage for more than 5 years now. I’ve been writing on my own for just as long. I felt like God had planted a seed in my heart to be shared with other mamas – but the “unworthy” lies of the enemy kept me silent. Finally – in late winter, earlier this year, I decided to take a leap of faith and join the blogosphere with a little “mama” space of my own. I was terrified – putting myself out for the world to see, and read. And then, sooner than I would like to admit, my blog became more about stats and page views and less about the message I was delivering – and I stopped. Suddenly I had made this ministry about me and not about Him, and without Him, there’s just no point.

I have days, months, seasons just like you. Times when I feel like a bad mama, a bad wife, a bad friend, a bad Christian. Times when I don’t measure up in my husband’s eyes, my kids’ eyes and I’m certain, not even God’s eyes. I lose my identity in the madness of this crazy, busy life and I lose focus.

We are taught, by society, that we have one life to live, you only live once, and all the other tacky clichés go on. We are torn between what and who we are living this life for. Girlfriend, I understand that frustration, that loneliness, and that “burnt out” feeling all too well. I know all too well what it’s like to feel like all we do isn’t really making a difference. I lose sight of who I am easily. Yes – I am “wife”, “mama”, “employee”, “friend”, “daughter” – but, above all else…I am the child of the One True King.

^“26 So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, ²⁷ for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.” – Galatians 3:26-27

When this life gets to be TOO MUCH – when you feel like you are falling short in all areas of your life – sometimes you have to go back to the starting place. Before you married that handsome man of yours, before you birthed those beautiful babies, before you entered this world as an infant yourself – you were God’s.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 5:1

I can only offer advice that I have used and benefited from. And I know this – these things work. When you start to feel isolated in your own world, often times it’s because you have relinquished connection with The Most High. I understand you are busy – we all are. This time of year is especially chaotic. But, if you keep plugged into the Word, stay on your knees in prayer, and stay connected to your life source – you will find the strength to wade your way through the busyness without losing your sanity and your joy.

I challenge you (and myself) – to make reading your Bible and going to the Lord in prayer a priority EVERY DAY. Set your alarm 30 minutes early so you can get up, have that coffee J and begin your day with God. Use your lunch break as your study time, or, have your quiet time after the kids go to bed.

You can’t be your best for everyone else if you aren't taking steps to BE. YOUR. BEST. And you are only your best when you are living in obedience to Him.