Morning Madness

Why is it so easy to become angry? Why must frustration become my first reaction?

This morning started out as perfect as a morning could start out. I actually got out of bed early (I only hit ‘snooze’ one time – win for me!). I made myself a wholesome, healthy breakfast – sat down at the dinner table and soaked in just a few moments of alone time, enjoying my omelet, the sunrise and a chance to check my email in peace.

My first little princess wondered out of her room – curled up on the couch and was content with her blanket and cartoons. I still had a whole hour to get ready before I had to get out the door.

Fast forward 15 minutes – apparently my husband and I miscommunicated about the plans for the day – and my serene morning quickly turned into chaos. Now I only had 45 minutes to feed the kids breakfast, pack their lunches, pack my lunch, get myself ready, drop them off at day care and get to work.

My gentle, kind and quiet spirit quickly turned to stressed, frantic and loud. Fighting ensued between the girls – discipline was dished out for bad attitudes and disrespectful behavior, and my demeanor was on a downward spiral.

I was frustrated and everyone in the house knew it.

Have you been there? Has it been your intention to show grace, have patience and speak softly – but you just keep missing the mark? That’s my intention every time – but more often than not, I react based on my frustration rather than reacting with wisdom the way God would have me to.

“…because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires”. James 1:20

I know this is an area of my life that needs work – and I’m willing to bet that some of you struggle with the same thing. (Let’s be honest – I think some mornings our kids wake up with the intention to drive us insane!)

But when we react with grace and patience when they’re expecting us to fly off the handle – we’re modeling self-control.

When we show gentleness and kindness when they expect punishment and harsh words – maybe, just maybe, they’ll learn to react the same way.

If your morning started out like mine – take heart in knowing, it’s not too late to start over. Admit your wrong doing, ask for forgiveness and move on with your day determined to react with wisdom rather than foolishness.

Ministry Happens in the Mundane

I started this blog a few years ago - with the hopes that God would use me to encourage weary working mamas like myself.

I planned and brainstormed to write about topics that I felt were relevant and that, honestly, would draw readers in.

I kept a notebook full of series ideas. I had grand plans. And then I failed.

I would write - and plan - and write - and plan...and then I'd stop for a month or so.

And then the cycle would start over. I wanted people to come to my blog and leave changed. I wanted to make a difference. I, I, I.

I knew (and still know) that God has called me to this type of ministry. But when I failed on my blogging venture - I felt like my ministry was over. I mean - there isn't much ministering going on if I'm not writing something for people to be ministered by, right?!

LIE!

There was - there is ministry going on. It's happening every morning as I make breakfast for my littles, as I tie shoes, pack backpacks and brush blond ringlets into ponytails.

Ministry happens when I choose to be gentle instead of yelling - and when I apologize for the times that I do yell. 

It's ministering when I put hot food on the table every evening - even when my body aches from a full day of work - when I greet my husband with a kiss, when we kneel to say bedtime prayers, when I clean up kids who get sick in the middle of the night and didn't quite make it to the bathroom.

Ministry happens in the mundane. 

Motherhood IS ministry. Working to be a Godly wife IS ministry. Being a good friend, offering a helping hand to someone in need - all those little things that we do every day are really making a HUGE impact for the kingdom.

No - I don't get 100 'likes' when I put a band-aid on a boo-boo. I don't get 'shares' when I offer someone my shopping cart in the grocery store. No one notices when I tuck that little note saying 'Mommy loves you' into the lunch box - but God sees. The heart of the recipient of those small acts of grace knows. 

I know - mama, I know - that these little mundane tasks that we do everyday can be exhausting - are often done in vain - and more often taken for granted.

Understand that what you do matters - you don't have to be Ann Voskamp or Lysa TerKeurst to have ministry. Don't feel like what you do for the kingdom is insignificant because your name isn't on a book or on the itinerary at a national conference. 

You are raising up arrows. 

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. 

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." 

Psalm 127:3-5

What Is the Focus of Your Family?

The modern family – what exactly does that mean? (I wasn't around – but according to my grandparents) the family unit looked much different 60 years ago.

A lot has changed over the past several decades. We've seen the divorce rate climb, more and more children are being raised in blended families, by only one parent or by parents of the same sex. We've seen the power struggle between the father and the mother. We have fathers who refuse to lead and mothers who refuse to nurture. But more than anything – we have seen the central focus of the family move from God, to the child.

I am a “millennial” – so really, I am ignorant to what a God centered family would look like. My parents didn't come to know Christ until I was a pre-teen so the central focus of our home was NOT Jesus. I was the common goal – the only child – their central focus. (Thankfully I didn't grow up to be a spoiled rotten adult – no really!! I didn't!)

To be honest – this is a struggle for me – for my family. Society tells us that the child is what’s MOST important. Every decision made, every action taken must be in the interest of what’s best for the child…how can we really disagree with that??

Let’s be honest here – I want what’s best for my two daughters. I want to give them every advantage I can in this life – it’s a tough world out there.

And what’s the best thing we can give them? What one, single, solitary gift can we give them that will provide them with the ONLY advantage they could ever need…

JESUS!!

If you are like me – you have felt the pressure to get your child involved. (after all – idle hands are the devil’s workshop, right???)

We send them to the best preschools, we put them into sports, we sign them up for music lessons, karate lessons, art class and AWANA. We read to them, take them to the library, do crafts at home, have family game night. We speak life into them, we encourage and motivate them. We have them do Bible study and memorize Bible verses. We teach them manners and how to save money. We sacrifice date night for family fun night – Saturday mornings are full of soccer practice, ballet practice and basketball games. Travel sports consume our schedule all for what…

To give them an advantage?

To prepare them for the real world?

To make them better? More skilled?

While all of these things (even the ones directly pointing them to Christ) may be good – what is the eternal value here?

Whose approval are we seeking? Are we trying to please our children or please our Heavenly Father?

When we fill every second, every spare hour of our schedule with activity we leave little room for relationship.

Relationship between mom and dad.

Relationship between parent and child.

Relationship between Savior and self.

We are creating adults who will never know what it means to be STILL - adults who are pre-programmed to live overwhelmed and overstretched.

What we need to do is take the focus off of the child and put the focus back on Christ.

We need less soccer and more songs of worship. Less TV and more family Bible study.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:19-21 ESV

We need more discipleship and less distraction.

We as parents should be seeking God FIRST! Our children need to see us on our knees, in our Bibles, giving in offering. (Believe me, I am preaching to myself here!!!)

We can cheer them on, on the sidelines of the soccer field – and still pour into them, Godly wisdom.

We need to teach them humility, sacrifice and kindness. That’s a hard lesson to learn when every part of their day is spent being catered to.

They do not NEED every new toy, to play every single sport, to have every second of their day spent doing something!!

If we’re being honest here – that’s a lesson most of us adults need to learn. We focus on work, that next promotion, the new home project, our next committee meeting – but we can’t take 30 minutes every morning to meet with our Savior – we fall asleep during bed time prayers – the Bible on the shelf collects more dust each day.

We have lost our focus…

I encourage you today – look for areas in your life – where you can make improvement. Make Bible study and prayer time in your own life a priority. Come alongside your kids every evening and meet the Father with one another. Sure – teach them free throws, field goals and front hand springs – and teach them the 10 commandments, what it means to love others, and how to meet Jesus.

And just in case some of you find yourself in this position – seek what God wants for your child rather than what YOU want for your child.

Is your home child focused or Christ focused? How do you keep your priorities in order? Any suggestions for the rest of us trying to shift the focus in our homes?

There's No Use Crying (or yelling) Over Spilled Milk

*I know it isn't Thursday - but here is a 'throwback' post from October 2012

We woke up this morning to a pretty terrible thunderstorm, in the middle of October - are you kidding me!? I am NOT, nor will I EVER be a fan of storms - and I guess that fear has kind of rolled over into both of my daughters.

Nevaeh sat down at the dining room table for breakfast, 5 minutes later I saw her sitting in the living room, eating her waffle so she "wasn't too close to the windows."

Okay - so this parlayed fear isn't something I am proud of - but I'm working on it.

A few bolts of lightning hit a little too close to home so we shut off the TV and Nevaeh and Lillian spend the remainder of the morning right on my heels, following me through the house, as if they are actually outrunning the storm...then the milk spilled.

Nevaeh was carrying her plate around the house - with her cup of milk on top of the plate. I barely got "please be careful with your milk" out of my mouth, and you guessed it, milk everywhere; all down her school clothes and all over my clean tile. And I snapped!! There she was, a chocolate milk mess - with fear in her eyes as another rumble of thunder sounded.

All she was trying to do was stay close to me to help squander the fear of the storm raging outside our home - when I started raging one inside. 

I saw the defeat in her eyes. I felt terrible. She changed clothes, I cleaned the mess, and we went on about our morning.

We always say our prayers in the car as we're driving to school and daycare - and after prayer this morning, I felt convicted. I stole a little bit of my daughter's joy this morning - all because cleaning up that mess was inconvenient for me. So, I swallowed my pride, looked my 5 year old little big girl in the eyes and said "I'm sorry Nevaeh, I shouldn't have gotten upset with you for spilling the milk. It was an accident and accidents are okay. I'm sorry I yelled at you." And just as any child would, she forgave me and that bright smile reappeared. 

Sometimes I find myself flying through my life - so caught up in the responsibilities of my career and keeping my home in order that I forget how precious my moments are with my two little blessings. Every mistake is a lesson. This morning, over spilled milk, I could have reassured Nevaeh that "It's okay. It's an accident, we can fix this." I could have had some patience and understanding, knowing that she was already a little anxious with the thunder and lightning. But I didn't. I forgot about the importance of the moment and reacted in a terrible way. I wish I could take it back and would have used that moment differently. But all I could do was apologize and try harder next time.

Kids grow up too fast.

One minute it's all nursing and lullabies then the next thing you know it's shuttling from one practice or event to another, homework, bath time, and then...graduation. 

I am reserving to slow down a little bit and enjoy this time with my kids. To play, get outside and run around - to show grace. I just want to soak up their childhood, because all too soon it will be gone and I will be left with a lot of "I wish I would've done this instead". Hopefully, I will learn to appreciate the little moments more - even if it includes spilled milk.

Give Yourself Grace

 

Grace...it's something we talk about. It's something we encourage others to show to one another or even give themselves. We tell sinners that we are saved by God's grace and they can be too. Grace...it can often be something that is easier to give, than receive.

 

I know that I am so unworthy of God's grace on my life. Jesus laid down his life and took on my sin - and there is nothing I can do that will ever repay that debt. And that is where grace comes in. No, there isn't ANYTHING I can do to earn it - God freely gives it.

 

And as mamas, wives, friends, employees, etc. - it's something we have to learn to give ourselves.

 

You will not be the perfect mom, you can't be super woman, you will fail your husband and your children. All of these are inevitable. However, we as women hold ourselves to such a high standard - we strive for absolute perfection! Trust me, I am preaching to the choir, I know. If for no one else, this post is totally for me...about me.

 

There will never be enough hours in the day to get it all done. Season after season will pass when you don't do everything you set out to do. And that's ok. Time goes on...

 

But instead of giving ourselves the grace we often pour out on others - we feel guilty. We live with regret. That monologue of "could have" "should have" is constantly playing the background.

 

Give yourself grace mama.

 

The whole reason I started this blog was because I have been in that place. My to-do list was a mile long, I went over and beyond to meet the needs of those around me. And honestly, I wasn't doing it all to the glory of God - it was often to the glory of Michelle. I liked that satisfaction of doing it all or at least seeming to be doing it all. I wanted to be super woman - when really...all I was, was a worn out woman.

 

And that worn out woman would eventually have enough. My priorities were so skewed. Weariness sets in and gentleness and kindness disappears. We become consumed with the project at hand and forget about the purpose behind it.

 

You're right. You can't do it all. Your house will get messy. You and husband will argue. You will yell at the kids. You will lose patience. You will be unkind. You will become distracted. You will be selfish. You will be envious of other mamas that seem to have it all together.

 

You will put on a few too many pounds. You won't cook every night of the week. You will be unorganized. You will lose stuff. (yes, even your mind!) You too will become worn out. You will lose hope. But don't lose sight of this...

 

God's word says...

 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.   - 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

 

 

Mama...God's grace is sufficient for you. When you feel overwhelmed, exhausted and are on the verge of giving up...go to grace.

 

Yes, God has called us to this wonderful ministry of motherhood. You, friend, are blessed beyond measure. But you can NOT do this on your own. Understand that your parenting, your marriage, your home is your ministry. Do it to the glory of God - and God will sustain you.

 

Let yourself off the hook. You are human, you will fail and that's ok.

 

This weekend - don't be so consumed with the to-do's that you forget how to be mama. Remember - earlier this week we talked about purpose being greater than perfection. That is true in ALL areas of your life. 

 

Have some grace for mama today!!

 





 



The Earmuff War

OMG ya'll - it is COLD in our neck of the woods. We woke up to temps of 7 degrees with a windchill below zero today. For us southerners - that is CRAZY COLD!! 

Mornings in our house tend to get a little chaotic - my daughters fight ALOT over petty stuff. "She's staring at me" "She made a face at me" "She is sitting too close to me" and it goes on.and.on.

This morning - was no different - in fact, the annoyances were amplified by a two hour delay at school. 

So naturally, just as we're getting ready to walk out the door - the fur flies and the earmuff war begins!!

I told both of my daughters to put on their big coats, gloves and a hat or ear muffs. After the fight over gloves was resolved the earmuff became the center of the Collins Clash. 

All of a sudden, the ear muffs were itchy, they weren't the right ones, "We're not allowed to wear ear muffs at school so I'm NOT wearing these"!

I was DONE.

The fighting was too much! The bad attitudes had to go - so I snapped, just a little bit.

I raised my voice and had an attitude just to tell them how they should not raise they voice and have an attitude...

I got angry. They looked at me bewildered because I became the lunatic going on and on about how they should NOT be lunatics...hypocritical much?

It was not my finest parenting moment and thankfully my husband reigned in my craziness.

I adjusted MY attitude, we made our peace and went about our morning.

Just yesterday I wrote this scripture on a sticky note and posted it on my rearview mirror in my car (because other drivers tend to ruffle my feathers a bit as well) and made the comment that I needed to post it EVERYWHERE. 

So I am going to post it EVERYWHERE so I am reminded ALL THE TIME.

Ouch! God isn't pleased when my daughters fight, argue and get angry with each other and He isn't pleased when I react in anger either.

Somedays I think my kids are teaching me more than I'm teaching them.

What verse helps you get through the day and keep your attitude in check?

Happy Fall Y'all

Fall is my favorite time of year!! I love the crisp, cool mornings and the pleasantly warm afternoons. I love the blanket of changing leaves that cover the Blue Ridge Mountains. I love the football games, bonfires and pumpkin EVERYTHING!!

 

I love that life starts to slow down just a little bit. If only for a season...

I, too, find myself coming into a season of slowing down. When you have kids, a full time job, a handsome husband to care for and a household to run - slowing down seems like an impossibility. I get it - we are BUSY, in every sense of the word. But we are making subtle changes to slow down - if even for a moment, and savor this season of life we are in.

Nevaeh is in the 2nd grade and Lillian began kindergarten this year. I have learned from experience - that when kids start school - TIME FLIES!! Seriously - the years are zooming by at warp speed. Childhood is SHORT and gone far too soon - even sooner in today's society.

So we have intentionally made changes to focus on family and savor these sweet years we are in.

Thankfully - this fall season gives up a lot of opportunities to spend fun times together as a family.

What do you do to make time for family? Do you have standing game nights, family date nights, etc? Do you have special fall activities or traditions that you look forward to each year?

*Just this week we started Family Game Night - and every year we visit the Pumpkin Patch and pick out our own pumpkin to carve.

We would love to hear your ideas.

***Join me here on Monday as we resume the Managing Mama Series - we will be talking about "To Do" Lists

Stay Plugged In Mama...

It had been another one of those days…in fact – “those” days seemed to be the only kind of days I’ve had for a long time. My husband was working late – it was 8:00 in the evening and I was going on my 14^th hour of work (both inside and outside of the home). Because for us mamas, it seems like the work never ends. I had a rough day at work, a busting headache, I was on my 7,485^th basket of laundry and the kids were on my last nerve.

As I folded towels and looked at the clock – thankful at least that bedtime had come and the house would be two voices quieter, the first tear fell…followed by 200 hundred more. I felt defeated. I had been dealing with some health problems that kept me bedridden the weekend before – and I was behind in laundry, housecleaning, dishes, and Bible study…behind in life. I felt lonely, desperate and completely disconnected from God.

I stood there, weeping, blabbering up prayers faster than I could think, pleading for God’s help – pleading for God’s presence. As I prayed, thought, cried – I realized, I’m disconnected because I never plug in.

“But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness…” Matthew 6:33a

I have an iPhone (you other Apple snobs out there can attest to the fact that the battery life is HORRIBLE) and I have to charge it every.single.night – sometimes even during the day. Its charge dwindles fast – especially when I have several apps going at once, sucking the power life right out. Is that you mama? Are you on your last 10% with 10 more people lined up, sucking away your resources, your words of encouragement, your servitude, your joy? Are other people, things, a job sucking the power right out of your life?

When my phone dies – its done! I can plug it up and it isn’t instantly back at 100%. It takes time – in fact it takes time for it to even get charged enough to power back up. When we disconnect ourselves from God by not praying, not reading our Bibles, not going to church (guilty as charged on all 3 accounts) – our power will fade. And it takes time to build back up.

That’s why it is so important to stay connected to our Heavenly Father. He doesn’t want us doing this alone – we were NOT designed to live this life a part from Him. He has created us with a God shaped void – with in an inborn desire for Him.

I prayed and prayed and prayed that night – at the time I wasn’t sure my prayers got further than the ceiling. I know now that He heard me – He always hears us. He had been waiting on me to come to Him…

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.”   Isaiah 30:18a

It is my desire for you to know that you are not alone. All of us mamas have walked this path – or will. We are here to encourage one another, learn from one another and support one another. But you – YOU – have to prioritize your life – and make sure God is at the top.

This doesn’t mean that you must spend hours in prayer and Bible study each day. But it does mean the effort must be made. Take time to plug in so you don’t power off!

How do you stay connected? Do you have set times for prayer and Bible study?

  

When You Lose Focus...

This motherhood gig is tough stuff. I’ve been reading Christian blogs on parenting and marriage for more than 5 years now. I’ve been writing on my own for just as long. I felt like God had planted a seed in my heart to be shared with other mamas – but the “unworthy” lies of the enemy kept me silent. Finally – in late winter, earlier this year, I decided to take a leap of faith and join the blogosphere with a little “mama” space of my own. I was terrified – putting myself out for the world to see, and read. And then, sooner than I would like to admit, my blog became more about stats and page views and less about the message I was delivering – and I stopped. Suddenly I had made this ministry about me and not about Him, and without Him, there’s just no point.

I have days, months, seasons just like you. Times when I feel like a bad mama, a bad wife, a bad friend, a bad Christian. Times when I don’t measure up in my husband’s eyes, my kids’ eyes and I’m certain, not even God’s eyes. I lose my identity in the madness of this crazy, busy life and I lose focus.

We are taught, by society, that we have one life to live, you only live once, and all the other tacky clichés go on. We are torn between what and who we are living this life for. Girlfriend, I understand that frustration, that loneliness, and that “burnt out” feeling all too well. I know all too well what it’s like to feel like all we do isn’t really making a difference. I lose sight of who I am easily. Yes – I am “wife”, “mama”, “employee”, “friend”, “daughter” – but, above all else…I am the child of the One True King.

^“26 So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, ²⁷ for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.” – Galatians 3:26-27

When this life gets to be TOO MUCH – when you feel like you are falling short in all areas of your life – sometimes you have to go back to the starting place. Before you married that handsome man of yours, before you birthed those beautiful babies, before you entered this world as an infant yourself – you were God’s.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 5:1

I can only offer advice that I have used and benefited from. And I know this – these things work. When you start to feel isolated in your own world, often times it’s because you have relinquished connection with The Most High. I understand you are busy – we all are. This time of year is especially chaotic. But, if you keep plugged into the Word, stay on your knees in prayer, and stay connected to your life source – you will find the strength to wade your way through the busyness without losing your sanity and your joy.

I challenge you (and myself) – to make reading your Bible and going to the Lord in prayer a priority EVERY DAY. Set your alarm 30 minutes early so you can get up, have that coffee J and begin your day with God. Use your lunch break as your study time, or, have your quiet time after the kids go to bed.

You can’t be your best for everyone else if you aren't taking steps to BE. YOUR. BEST. And you are only your best when you are living in obedience to Him.

Weekend Warrior: The Laundry Lady Edition

I should have taken a picture of the mess - so you could fully appreciate the madness that had become my laundry pile over this past week. This photo popped up in my Face Book newsfeed this week - and I laughed, hard, out loud.

I don't think my husband really got the irony of this until he walked into our bedroom yesterday and it looked like a laundry bomb had exploded.

Clothes. Were. Everywhere.

You see the weather here in the south can be a bit unpredictable in the spring. For instance - next week in ONE day - our local meteorologist has forecast for the morning temp at 11:00am be 60 degrees - with temps in the 30s and a chance of sleet by 3 pm - that same afternoon!!! (I know all you other southerners can join me in my frustration.)

So I have been forced to start pulling out spring clothes for the girls. My kids grow like weeds, so I know most of the stuff they wore last year just won't fit. So I had the bright idea to go through ALL of their clothes, have them try on ALL of their clothes and sort what doesn't fit anymore. That's ALOT of clothes, two girls, 4 seasons - you get the idea.

To make this easier, I thought I would just let their clean laundry accumulate over the week, thinking if it all stayed in the clothes basket it would make it easier to try on and sort out.

So...Saturday I dump two laundry baskets, 8 dresser drawers, and a closet full of clothes in my bedroom and let the party begin. It was a fashion frenzy. Keep piles here, donate piles there, mend piles over here. IT WAS MADNESS!!

Two hours and two exhausted little girls later...this was all that remained.

Most of the stuff Nevaeh out grew was passed down to Lillian. So I had the pleasure (note the sarcasm) of folding up and hanging up all the stuff we decided to keep; which didn't really give us any extra room (but will save me a ton of money since Lillian is stocked and ready for warmer weather.)

I guess this is just the beginning of the inevitable "spring cleaning" - but it was a huge "To-Do" I was able to mark off my list.

What are you to doing to prepare for the upcoming season change? Do you have any tips on how to make this process less hectic?!



We Had Started Out So Well....



This week has gotten off to a good start. Monday was anything but "manic" – the girls on their best behavior, eager to be helpful around the house.

Yesterday – we had a great evening enjoying an art and music class at the local community college with Nevaeh’s 1^st grade teacher, and then…

It happened. This morning –

Chaos! Attitudes! Back-talking!!!!

I guess I know that we WILL have bad days. One of the 4 of us Collins folk will wake up in a bad mood and that bad mood is likely to infect the whole gang. There will be mornings of rushed chaos, evenings of sisters fighting and nights of no sleep (yeah – that happened last night too!!) But one bad day doesn’t mean I have failed.

One bad day doesn’t mean you have failed. By God’s grace – we are given more time. More time to improve OUR attitude. More time for hugs, kisses, and apologizes and grace, for them and for mama.

If your day started out less than stellar – you do not need to "start over". There are no "do overs" in life – only "do betters". Learn lessons in those moments of frustration. Pray for strength, wisdom and in some cases, (in my case sometimes) a restoration of your sanity.

There will be bad days. Those bad days may turn into bad months or bad years – but God’s grace is sufficient.

He sees you right in the storm you are going through – and he will carry you through.

Even though my day didn’t start out how I had planned – I can make the decision that right now – I will be the change. I will change MY attitude. I will change MY reaction. I will show love and grace to my family, just like Jesus does for me every. single. day.

No More Yellin' Mama



 I grew up in a “yelling” family. (Don’t get me wrong, my family is great and I love them all dearly but we are a loud bunch.) As I grew up I vowed to NEVER yell at my kids. I had visions of perfectly behaved toddlers and me as a sweet, patient, soft-spoken “mother of the year type”. Flash forward 20 years and I am now THAT mom – the one who sometimes yells.

Please don’t misunderstand, I love my daughters to pieces and most of the time they are very well behaved – rather rambunctious, but behaved. And NO – there is NO verbal abuse going on behind closed doors at the Collins household, but I admit, at times, I yell. And yes, they have pointed it out to me and I have shamefully apologized and said, “Mommy will not yell like that anymore” only to do it the next time things get a bit too chaotic and I feel a bit too overwhelmed.

You see, this yelling thing – has a lot more to do with me and a lot less to do with them. I yell because I get frustrated (yes, maybe they are misbehaving, being disrespectful or fighting with one another) but what exactly am I teaching them by losing my cool and blowing up at them? I’m telling them – “this is how you act when you get mad.” “No, you may not hit your sister or tell me a lie, but feel free to rant and rave like a lunatic when things don’t go your way.” And what’s even worse – when I yell at them for yelling at me or one another!!

“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly

holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11

I don’t know about you but this whole yelling thing takes on a totally different face when we are in public. If we are the grocery store and Nevaeh asks for the same candy for the 5^th time after 4 previous NOs – my discipline in the store looks a lot different from my discipline when we finally get to the car. Inside the car – and away from the judgemental eye of strangers – I unleash 30 minutes of grocery store angst. (Grocery shopping is bad enough without adding an unruly child into the mix.) But you know what? God is watching and there is an innocent soul within that 7 year old body in my backseat that is being crushed. Is the audience of strangers witnessing this spectacle more important than my children? Am I more worried about the judging eye of my fellow man rather than the judgement of Almighty God? Who am I trying to please here?

I want to live a life so that my children “rise up and called me blessed” – I strive to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman daily (failing all too frequently). At the ages of 7 and 4, they have already created memories they will carry for a life time. I don’t want my red, yelling face to be one of them – so I must work diligently to repair that image before it becomes the THE only image of their childhood.

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens

wide his lips comes to ruin.” – Proverbs 13:3.

We will get angry, annoyed and frustrated. This road of motherhood isn’t easy. But we must develop self-control and learn to react differently. If you must take a mommy time-out, do it. Go into another room and say a prayer asking God to help you respond with gentleness. Discipline is needed – and a requirement if we are going to train our children up in the ways of the Lord – but I don’t think anyone will argue with the notion that yelling is not discipline.

It isn’t easy to change behaviors that have been instilled into you since your own childhood. But it is possible. I’m a work in progress – but studying what God’s word has to say about anger and self-control and many, many prayers asking for strength and wisdom has helped me see fruit in my own life. I still have yelling moments, but they are on the decrease for sure!!

"...I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my

 righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Have you been there? What do you do to blow off steam so you don’t blow up at your kids?