Morning Madness

Why is it so easy to become angry? Why must frustration become my first reaction?

This morning started out as perfect as a morning could start out. I actually got out of bed early (I only hit ‘snooze’ one time – win for me!). I made myself a wholesome, healthy breakfast – sat down at the dinner table and soaked in just a few moments of alone time, enjoying my omelet, the sunrise and a chance to check my email in peace.

My first little princess wondered out of her room – curled up on the couch and was content with her blanket and cartoons. I still had a whole hour to get ready before I had to get out the door.

Fast forward 15 minutes – apparently my husband and I miscommunicated about the plans for the day – and my serene morning quickly turned into chaos. Now I only had 45 minutes to feed the kids breakfast, pack their lunches, pack my lunch, get myself ready, drop them off at day care and get to work.

My gentle, kind and quiet spirit quickly turned to stressed, frantic and loud. Fighting ensued between the girls – discipline was dished out for bad attitudes and disrespectful behavior, and my demeanor was on a downward spiral.

I was frustrated and everyone in the house knew it.

Have you been there? Has it been your intention to show grace, have patience and speak softly – but you just keep missing the mark? That’s my intention every time – but more often than not, I react based on my frustration rather than reacting with wisdom the way God would have me to.

“…because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires”. James 1:20

I know this is an area of my life that needs work – and I’m willing to bet that some of you struggle with the same thing. (Let’s be honest – I think some mornings our kids wake up with the intention to drive us insane!)

But when we react with grace and patience when they’re expecting us to fly off the handle – we’re modeling self-control.

When we show gentleness and kindness when they expect punishment and harsh words – maybe, just maybe, they’ll learn to react the same way.

If your morning started out like mine – take heart in knowing, it’s not too late to start over. Admit your wrong doing, ask for forgiveness and move on with your day determined to react with wisdom rather than foolishness.

What Is the Focus of Your Family?

The modern family – what exactly does that mean? (I wasn't around – but according to my grandparents) the family unit looked much different 60 years ago.

A lot has changed over the past several decades. We've seen the divorce rate climb, more and more children are being raised in blended families, by only one parent or by parents of the same sex. We've seen the power struggle between the father and the mother. We have fathers who refuse to lead and mothers who refuse to nurture. But more than anything – we have seen the central focus of the family move from God, to the child.

I am a “millennial” – so really, I am ignorant to what a God centered family would look like. My parents didn't come to know Christ until I was a pre-teen so the central focus of our home was NOT Jesus. I was the common goal – the only child – their central focus. (Thankfully I didn't grow up to be a spoiled rotten adult – no really!! I didn't!)

To be honest – this is a struggle for me – for my family. Society tells us that the child is what’s MOST important. Every decision made, every action taken must be in the interest of what’s best for the child…how can we really disagree with that??

Let’s be honest here – I want what’s best for my two daughters. I want to give them every advantage I can in this life – it’s a tough world out there.

And what’s the best thing we can give them? What one, single, solitary gift can we give them that will provide them with the ONLY advantage they could ever need…

JESUS!!

If you are like me – you have felt the pressure to get your child involved. (after all – idle hands are the devil’s workshop, right???)

We send them to the best preschools, we put them into sports, we sign them up for music lessons, karate lessons, art class and AWANA. We read to them, take them to the library, do crafts at home, have family game night. We speak life into them, we encourage and motivate them. We have them do Bible study and memorize Bible verses. We teach them manners and how to save money. We sacrifice date night for family fun night – Saturday mornings are full of soccer practice, ballet practice and basketball games. Travel sports consume our schedule all for what…

To give them an advantage?

To prepare them for the real world?

To make them better? More skilled?

While all of these things (even the ones directly pointing them to Christ) may be good – what is the eternal value here?

Whose approval are we seeking? Are we trying to please our children or please our Heavenly Father?

When we fill every second, every spare hour of our schedule with activity we leave little room for relationship.

Relationship between mom and dad.

Relationship between parent and child.

Relationship between Savior and self.

We are creating adults who will never know what it means to be STILL - adults who are pre-programmed to live overwhelmed and overstretched.

What we need to do is take the focus off of the child and put the focus back on Christ.

We need less soccer and more songs of worship. Less TV and more family Bible study.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:19-21 ESV

We need more discipleship and less distraction.

We as parents should be seeking God FIRST! Our children need to see us on our knees, in our Bibles, giving in offering. (Believe me, I am preaching to myself here!!!)

We can cheer them on, on the sidelines of the soccer field – and still pour into them, Godly wisdom.

We need to teach them humility, sacrifice and kindness. That’s a hard lesson to learn when every part of their day is spent being catered to.

They do not NEED every new toy, to play every single sport, to have every second of their day spent doing something!!

If we’re being honest here – that’s a lesson most of us adults need to learn. We focus on work, that next promotion, the new home project, our next committee meeting – but we can’t take 30 minutes every morning to meet with our Savior – we fall asleep during bed time prayers – the Bible on the shelf collects more dust each day.

We have lost our focus…

I encourage you today – look for areas in your life – where you can make improvement. Make Bible study and prayer time in your own life a priority. Come alongside your kids every evening and meet the Father with one another. Sure – teach them free throws, field goals and front hand springs – and teach them the 10 commandments, what it means to love others, and how to meet Jesus.

And just in case some of you find yourself in this position – seek what God wants for your child rather than what YOU want for your child.

Is your home child focused or Christ focused? How do you keep your priorities in order? Any suggestions for the rest of us trying to shift the focus in our homes?

Taking Back Today

So...I have been absent over the past few weeks. A 'small' weekend DIY project extended into a 2.5 week nightmare that had us shuttling back and forth from our house to my parents house everyday. IT.HAS.BEEN.CHAOS!

We have survived off of take out daily and haven't been in our normal routine AT ALL. You can imagine what this does to the kiddos - let's just say, their behavior has been less than stellar.

And mine...well I am ashamed to admit that my attitude has taken a turn for the worst as well. This mama needs routine! I grocery shopped for the first time in 3 weeks last night (grocery shopping is MY Achilles heel!) and truth be told - I felt liberated. I could have done a cartwheel right down the frozen foods aisle! I will NOT complain about grocery shopping again - nothing feels more routine that grocery shopping - and for once, I WAS LOVING IT.

So finally - FINALLY! - we are back in our home. All of 4 of us Collins folk all under one roof. I am taking back today! Things are still in disaray - but the piles are getting smaller and day by day less tools, paint cans and screwdrivers are taking up my counters. I am hoping that by the end of this upcoming weekend - we will be back to NORMAL! 

(One can dream, right?!)

It has been a month of trials for us. From injuries, sickness, doctor visits, overnight stays for medical testing, unexpected home repairs, you name it...it has not been easy. I feel foolish for being so disheartened with all that has gone on - because even with our trials - we are far better off than a lot of people. I feel foolish for complaining when in truth, we are all healthy (for the most part), we have a roof over our head every night, food in our tummies everyday, and we have each other. We are rich in blessing and the enemy does all he can to distract us from that truth. 

I understand God has us go through some things to stretch us, teach us, help us build our character. He has certainly been teaching me a lesson in patience and faith these past few weeks - unfortunately, I haven't been the most willing student. I have grumbled, I have cried, I have whined, I have complained - been mad, bitter, inpatient and discontent. But I am reminded that His ways are higher than mine - and His thoughts are too - He knows better than I do.

My job is to trust Him and hang on to the ride we call life!

How have you been? I have missed blogging!! I hope to back into my normal routine next week! Until then...

There's No Use Crying (or yelling) Over Spilled Milk

*I know it isn't Thursday - but here is a 'throwback' post from October 2012

We woke up this morning to a pretty terrible thunderstorm, in the middle of October - are you kidding me!? I am NOT, nor will I EVER be a fan of storms - and I guess that fear has kind of rolled over into both of my daughters.

Nevaeh sat down at the dining room table for breakfast, 5 minutes later I saw her sitting in the living room, eating her waffle so she "wasn't too close to the windows."

Okay - so this parlayed fear isn't something I am proud of - but I'm working on it.

A few bolts of lightning hit a little too close to home so we shut off the TV and Nevaeh and Lillian spend the remainder of the morning right on my heels, following me through the house, as if they are actually outrunning the storm...then the milk spilled.

Nevaeh was carrying her plate around the house - with her cup of milk on top of the plate. I barely got "please be careful with your milk" out of my mouth, and you guessed it, milk everywhere; all down her school clothes and all over my clean tile. And I snapped!! There she was, a chocolate milk mess - with fear in her eyes as another rumble of thunder sounded.

All she was trying to do was stay close to me to help squander the fear of the storm raging outside our home - when I started raging one inside. 

I saw the defeat in her eyes. I felt terrible. She changed clothes, I cleaned the mess, and we went on about our morning.

We always say our prayers in the car as we're driving to school and daycare - and after prayer this morning, I felt convicted. I stole a little bit of my daughter's joy this morning - all because cleaning up that mess was inconvenient for me. So, I swallowed my pride, looked my 5 year old little big girl in the eyes and said "I'm sorry Nevaeh, I shouldn't have gotten upset with you for spilling the milk. It was an accident and accidents are okay. I'm sorry I yelled at you." And just as any child would, she forgave me and that bright smile reappeared. 

Sometimes I find myself flying through my life - so caught up in the responsibilities of my career and keeping my home in order that I forget how precious my moments are with my two little blessings. Every mistake is a lesson. This morning, over spilled milk, I could have reassured Nevaeh that "It's okay. It's an accident, we can fix this." I could have had some patience and understanding, knowing that she was already a little anxious with the thunder and lightning. But I didn't. I forgot about the importance of the moment and reacted in a terrible way. I wish I could take it back and would have used that moment differently. But all I could do was apologize and try harder next time.

Kids grow up too fast.

One minute it's all nursing and lullabies then the next thing you know it's shuttling from one practice or event to another, homework, bath time, and then...graduation. 

I am reserving to slow down a little bit and enjoy this time with my kids. To play, get outside and run around - to show grace. I just want to soak up their childhood, because all too soon it will be gone and I will be left with a lot of "I wish I would've done this instead". Hopefully, I will learn to appreciate the little moments more - even if it includes spilled milk.

The Earmuff War

OMG ya'll - it is COLD in our neck of the woods. We woke up to temps of 7 degrees with a windchill below zero today. For us southerners - that is CRAZY COLD!! 

Mornings in our house tend to get a little chaotic - my daughters fight ALOT over petty stuff. "She's staring at me" "She made a face at me" "She is sitting too close to me" and it goes on.and.on.

This morning - was no different - in fact, the annoyances were amplified by a two hour delay at school. 

So naturally, just as we're getting ready to walk out the door - the fur flies and the earmuff war begins!!

I told both of my daughters to put on their big coats, gloves and a hat or ear muffs. After the fight over gloves was resolved the earmuff became the center of the Collins Clash. 

All of a sudden, the ear muffs were itchy, they weren't the right ones, "We're not allowed to wear ear muffs at school so I'm NOT wearing these"!

I was DONE.

The fighting was too much! The bad attitudes had to go - so I snapped, just a little bit.

I raised my voice and had an attitude just to tell them how they should not raise they voice and have an attitude...

I got angry. They looked at me bewildered because I became the lunatic going on and on about how they should NOT be lunatics...hypocritical much?

It was not my finest parenting moment and thankfully my husband reigned in my craziness.

I adjusted MY attitude, we made our peace and went about our morning.

Just yesterday I wrote this scripture on a sticky note and posted it on my rearview mirror in my car (because other drivers tend to ruffle my feathers a bit as well) and made the comment that I needed to post it EVERYWHERE. 

So I am going to post it EVERYWHERE so I am reminded ALL THE TIME.

Ouch! God isn't pleased when my daughters fight, argue and get angry with each other and He isn't pleased when I react in anger either.

Somedays I think my kids are teaching me more than I'm teaching them.

What verse helps you get through the day and keep your attitude in check?

Weekend Warrior: The Laundry Lady Edition

I should have taken a picture of the mess - so you could fully appreciate the madness that had become my laundry pile over this past week. This photo popped up in my Face Book newsfeed this week - and I laughed, hard, out loud.

I don't think my husband really got the irony of this until he walked into our bedroom yesterday and it looked like a laundry bomb had exploded.

Clothes. Were. Everywhere.

You see the weather here in the south can be a bit unpredictable in the spring. For instance - next week in ONE day - our local meteorologist has forecast for the morning temp at 11:00am be 60 degrees - with temps in the 30s and a chance of sleet by 3 pm - that same afternoon!!! (I know all you other southerners can join me in my frustration.)

So I have been forced to start pulling out spring clothes for the girls. My kids grow like weeds, so I know most of the stuff they wore last year just won't fit. So I had the bright idea to go through ALL of their clothes, have them try on ALL of their clothes and sort what doesn't fit anymore. That's ALOT of clothes, two girls, 4 seasons - you get the idea.

To make this easier, I thought I would just let their clean laundry accumulate over the week, thinking if it all stayed in the clothes basket it would make it easier to try on and sort out.

So...Saturday I dump two laundry baskets, 8 dresser drawers, and a closet full of clothes in my bedroom and let the party begin. It was a fashion frenzy. Keep piles here, donate piles there, mend piles over here. IT WAS MADNESS!!

Two hours and two exhausted little girls later...this was all that remained.

Most of the stuff Nevaeh out grew was passed down to Lillian. So I had the pleasure (note the sarcasm) of folding up and hanging up all the stuff we decided to keep; which didn't really give us any extra room (but will save me a ton of money since Lillian is stocked and ready for warmer weather.)

I guess this is just the beginning of the inevitable "spring cleaning" - but it was a huge "To-Do" I was able to mark off my list.

What are you to doing to prepare for the upcoming season change? Do you have any tips on how to make this process less hectic?!



We Had Started Out So Well....



This week has gotten off to a good start. Monday was anything but "manic" – the girls on their best behavior, eager to be helpful around the house.

Yesterday – we had a great evening enjoying an art and music class at the local community college with Nevaeh’s 1^st grade teacher, and then…

It happened. This morning –

Chaos! Attitudes! Back-talking!!!!

I guess I know that we WILL have bad days. One of the 4 of us Collins folk will wake up in a bad mood and that bad mood is likely to infect the whole gang. There will be mornings of rushed chaos, evenings of sisters fighting and nights of no sleep (yeah – that happened last night too!!) But one bad day doesn’t mean I have failed.

One bad day doesn’t mean you have failed. By God’s grace – we are given more time. More time to improve OUR attitude. More time for hugs, kisses, and apologizes and grace, for them and for mama.

If your day started out less than stellar – you do not need to "start over". There are no "do overs" in life – only "do betters". Learn lessons in those moments of frustration. Pray for strength, wisdom and in some cases, (in my case sometimes) a restoration of your sanity.

There will be bad days. Those bad days may turn into bad months or bad years – but God’s grace is sufficient.

He sees you right in the storm you are going through – and he will carry you through.

Even though my day didn’t start out how I had planned – I can make the decision that right now – I will be the change. I will change MY attitude. I will change MY reaction. I will show love and grace to my family, just like Jesus does for me every. single. day.

No More Yellin' Mama



 I grew up in a “yelling” family. (Don’t get me wrong, my family is great and I love them all dearly but we are a loud bunch.) As I grew up I vowed to NEVER yell at my kids. I had visions of perfectly behaved toddlers and me as a sweet, patient, soft-spoken “mother of the year type”. Flash forward 20 years and I am now THAT mom – the one who sometimes yells.

Please don’t misunderstand, I love my daughters to pieces and most of the time they are very well behaved – rather rambunctious, but behaved. And NO – there is NO verbal abuse going on behind closed doors at the Collins household, but I admit, at times, I yell. And yes, they have pointed it out to me and I have shamefully apologized and said, “Mommy will not yell like that anymore” only to do it the next time things get a bit too chaotic and I feel a bit too overwhelmed.

You see, this yelling thing – has a lot more to do with me and a lot less to do with them. I yell because I get frustrated (yes, maybe they are misbehaving, being disrespectful or fighting with one another) but what exactly am I teaching them by losing my cool and blowing up at them? I’m telling them – “this is how you act when you get mad.” “No, you may not hit your sister or tell me a lie, but feel free to rant and rave like a lunatic when things don’t go your way.” And what’s even worse – when I yell at them for yelling at me or one another!!

“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly

holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11

I don’t know about you but this whole yelling thing takes on a totally different face when we are in public. If we are the grocery store and Nevaeh asks for the same candy for the 5^th time after 4 previous NOs – my discipline in the store looks a lot different from my discipline when we finally get to the car. Inside the car – and away from the judgemental eye of strangers – I unleash 30 minutes of grocery store angst. (Grocery shopping is bad enough without adding an unruly child into the mix.) But you know what? God is watching and there is an innocent soul within that 7 year old body in my backseat that is being crushed. Is the audience of strangers witnessing this spectacle more important than my children? Am I more worried about the judging eye of my fellow man rather than the judgement of Almighty God? Who am I trying to please here?

I want to live a life so that my children “rise up and called me blessed” – I strive to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman daily (failing all too frequently). At the ages of 7 and 4, they have already created memories they will carry for a life time. I don’t want my red, yelling face to be one of them – so I must work diligently to repair that image before it becomes the THE only image of their childhood.

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens

wide his lips comes to ruin.” – Proverbs 13:3.

We will get angry, annoyed and frustrated. This road of motherhood isn’t easy. But we must develop self-control and learn to react differently. If you must take a mommy time-out, do it. Go into another room and say a prayer asking God to help you respond with gentleness. Discipline is needed – and a requirement if we are going to train our children up in the ways of the Lord – but I don’t think anyone will argue with the notion that yelling is not discipline.

It isn’t easy to change behaviors that have been instilled into you since your own childhood. But it is possible. I’m a work in progress – but studying what God’s word has to say about anger and self-control and many, many prayers asking for strength and wisdom has helped me see fruit in my own life. I still have yelling moments, but they are on the decrease for sure!!

"...I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my

 righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Have you been there? What do you do to blow off steam so you don’t blow up at your kids?